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Navigating Demisexuality

What is demisexuality?

According to Healthline “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with.In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.”

When have you experienced sexual attraction to someone?

Shivani (name changed)
I’ve only experience sexual attraction to someone when I have formed a bond with them. It doesn’t need to be a romantic bond, it can be friendship (even platonic friendships). This doesn’t mean that I need to be in love with the person, of course.

Are you sexually attracted to everyone you form an emotional bond with?


Definitely not. Just like how you are not attracted to everyone that you meet, I’m not attracted to everyone I have an emotional bond with. I have a lot of people that I’m close to and I have never been attracted to them sexually.

Does this orientation fit under the asexual umbrella?

There is a lot of debate on this. We are also grouped in with graysexuals sometimes. An asexual person experiences almost little to no sexual attraction while a graysexual person can experience sexual attraction sometimes. Some people think that demisexuals aren’t asexual as they experience sexual attraction under circumstances but asexuality doesn’t have a rule on how often or how intensely you need to experience sexual attraction (or not).

But some people argue that demisexuality falls under the asexual banner. This is because demisexuals do experience limited sexual attraction.
But it doesn’t matter what other people think where your orientation falls. You are free to choose one or more orientation (or none if you want to)

What is it like navigating life as a demisexual?

It varies from each person but

  • I almost never feel sexually attracted to people I see on the street, strangers, or acquaintances or movie stars.
  • I have only been sexually attracted to someone I was close to 
  • A lot of factors including my emotional connection with someone impacts how I feel about them and if I am sexually attracted to them

That said, all demisexuals are different, and you might be demisexual even if you don’t relate to the above.

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